Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
