you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
