So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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