My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
