The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
