my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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