I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
