happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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