So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
