I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
