Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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