so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
