I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
