mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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