Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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