I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
