apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
