Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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