It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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