Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
