im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
