when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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