Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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