i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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