College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
