Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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