Plan B is the new Plan A
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
