I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
