I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
