Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
