You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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