I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
