My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
