Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
