T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
