Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
