I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
