he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
