Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
