my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dick very happy bro
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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