I puked a lego.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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