do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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