so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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