Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize