He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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