We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
