I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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