So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
