I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
