oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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