I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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