I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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