I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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