Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
