I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize