my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
