Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
worst night to have a conscience
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize