My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
