im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
