she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
