My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
