he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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