end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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