apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
