I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
