Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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